What I learned from my sexless marriage

What I learned from my sexless marriage

Marriage without sex. Loss of my lust. I never have an orgasm. I do not want to make love to the man I loved.

At age 28, this was not the life I had imagined. It was even far from what I had imagined. From an early age, I felt I loved sex very much. I later entered into a loving and committed relationship, but the sex was not as I thought. First I missed the lubrication, then the relationship turned out to be painful. Embarrassed, embarrassed, and just feeling this problem, I couldn’t even cope with my husband so I withdrew from the intimate relationship, avoiding looking or touching him and focusing on shopping, cooking, and household chores.

I could not escape the barrage of judgments against myself. When medically everything was normal what did I have? I wanted to shout because nothing seemed normal to me. I questioned myself: Was I crazy?

As my rational brain wanted to give up, my inner instruction told me to embark on the path of self-discovery. This led me to discover that something was missing beyond medical help: my connection to my body, genitals, and sexuality was missing. My search made me reconnect with my body, my desire and my satisfaction that not only did I feel good, but that it nourished my soul. What I have found is the process of reconnecting with myself, of feeling free with the body, energized, excited and confident. Already, as an intimacy and sexuality trainer, I am here to share what I learned with you and inspire you to believe that you too can go through this experience.

Being desired is not enough. You need to know how to want.

"Take good care to turn it on and he will give you everything."

I kushtova më shumë vëmendje mënyrës se si i dukej trupi im sesa faktit se si ndihej. Kam kaluar më shumë kohë në kokën time - duke u fiksuar në atë që bëja - sesa në trupin tim, duke e ndjerë atë. E vërteta ishte: Unë nuk dija si të dëshiroja. Nuk dija se si të bëja seks për kënaqësinë time.

Kështu që fillova të pyes veten: Çfarë doja? Si ndihesha më mirë?

Nëse seksi nuk është i kënaqshëm për ju mendërisht, nuk do jetë i kënaqshëm as fizikisht.

Let’s be realistic here. There were many times when I started having sex before my body was ready, before I was horny. Many times I held my breath instead of asking my partner to slow down. And many times when he achieved maximum pleasure and I did not - which was every time we had sex - I convinced myself that “I was fine.” I chose silence because it was easier, less productive of anxiety, and it came at a cost. My body responded accordingly.He tightened and closed, leaving me numb and lifeless, even cold.

Truth is the biggest excitement

Asking for what I wanted, saying "no" with confidence, expressing my emotional being without restraint - the truth excited me. Where I used to find anxiety and fear - I found freedom and excitement already.