How many times have we cried, not knowing that life was doing us a favor
2024-09-11 17:02:43
TiranaPost
How many times have we cried in secret without knowing that life was doing us a favor, without realizing that what happened to us was not the end of the world, but the beginning of something better. To exist is to start over several times, to close a window to open a door as we dry tears for those who never deserved them.
Albert Einstein said that if there was one thing he was grateful for, it was all those people who had said "no" to him during his life. Every disappointment he received from those who had refused to help him when he needed it, later allowed him to find the motivation with which to learn to do things on his own; to become stronger.
There are times when, in silence, we can't stand it anymore. The emotional stress caused by so many disappointments, failures and every "no" found along the way forces us to hold back. That's when the inability to protect ourselves and the clear feeling of losing control over our lives appears.
Judith Orloff, psychiatrist and author of the book "Emotional Freedom. Get rid of negative emotions and transform your life", says that the first step to achieve inner balance is to cry. After tears comes calm and later clarity.
Crying over learned experiences: useful suffering
It is likely that if you could go back in time to this very moment, you would feel compassion for your person when you see yourself crying for trivial reasons. All those tears shed for those who never deserved our love or for every moment of anxiety over a project or a dream that was never really important are now memories. Fractured yet wholesome dreams etched in those fleeting clouds of our life cycles.
It should be noted that no one comes into this world as an expert. Tears are like rites of passage that we must experience to continue growing, to know who deserves to be a part of our lives and who doesn't, to test ourselves and measure our strength.
In psychology, we often talk about the so-called "useful suffering". It's a term that grabs attention in a special way and, believe it or not, it comes up more than we think. It refers to those moments when the more we are aware of our pain, the more we perpetuate it.
Examples of this are the torturous couple relationships in which we are increasingly trapped. While useful suffering ends and allows us to free ourselves from the burden to cleanse ourselves and learn, useless suffering will never pave the way for change, for inner growth.
After pain comes opportunity
There is a saying: "Only those who have suffered are able to understand what it really means to live". We must remember that this is not entirely true. Happiness also teaches us, it provides us with the necessary resources. Difficulty is, on the other hand, the crossroads on the road that most of us will have to pass through.
When we go beyond it, when we experience pain in one of its forms, we are no longer the same. For this reason, it is necessary to encourage the "useful suffering" we talked about earlier, which allows us to learn to be more capable, adopt better strategies with resilient minds, and be people capable of see new opportunities. Even if we think that life has given us a "no", sometimes it's nothing more than a little longer wait.
Judith Orloff, in the book "Emotional Freedom. Get rid of negative emotions and transform your life", teaches us that, in order to see the possibilities in dark times, it is necessary to create an inner calm.
Emotional venting is a convenient and cathartic mechanism to calm the mind and see things differently.
After you have cried over a disappointment, a breakup or a failure, it is necessary to create change. Too often we make the mistake of waiting for something to happen around us and then find a motivation, a purpose that allows us to move on and leave behind what has happened.
It's not the right way to approach life. The right thing to do is to "be our difference". We should not wait for it from the outside, but encourage it from the inside, because it is when we do not sit idly by but react, that life changes.
After all, it is in these moments of personal hardship that we discover how much strength lies within us and all that we are capable of. We are like the oak tree: the more the wind hits us, the stronger we become.
originally published on bota.al
